Sunday, May 3, 2009

How to Make a Cicerone Cry

1) Discover h. pylori in Cicerone's stomach.

2) Prescribe corrective medication.

The above two conditions were met approximately 3 months ago, when I had a gastroscope inspection of my esophagus. Said body part has always been a bit irregular, and since I am getting old, it bore inspection. I have no doubt that I have been hosting H. Pylori my entire life, but the doctors insist that it must tarry no longer in my gut. For those who don't recognize the name of this bug, it's the bacteria believed to cause ulcers in 90% of those in whom it dwells. Hasn't troubled me, yet, but....?

So who gives a shit, and why? Well, the prescribed treatment entails taking a handful of pills 4 times daily for 2 weeks. This would be fine, if it weren't for the unfortunate dire interaction with alcohol that causes extreme cramping and emesis. And the bonus kick in the huevos is that you can't drink milk, either. I could do without one or the other for a stretch, but jeez!

So, for months I've been looking for a 2 week window that wouldn't include a vacation, holiday, festival, etc, and the best I can do is the 2 weeks starting tomorrow. Bleagh.

So, how do you spend your last day before reporting to prison, figuratively speaking? Well, if you are as lucky as me, you will jump on the tandem bike with your lovely bride, and pedal over to the Oak for a couple beers. Maybe some Reissdorf Kolsch, Two Hearted, Double Crooked Tree, and Guinness 250. Then one might bike home and head over to Slows for some Victory Prima Pils, Schlenkerla Marzen, Rogue Chipotle Ale, and some barbecue. Then, once home, maybe a glass of homemade helles.

The next two weeks are really going to suck....


  1. Yaow! Your noble Cicerone status will remain safe during this hiatus so long as you promise to resume drinking avidly as soon as the stuff has cleared your system.



  2. Obvious is the downside to the two week break. But I bet the first beer you drink after the two weeks may possibly be the most anticipated, fulfilling beer you will have enjoyed in many, many past years.